Why Do You Believe?

I have friends who periodically challenge me with important questions.  They are asked sincerely.  They may be asked because their journey or their experience is different from mine.  And they force me to articulate things I should be able to articulate – but don’t often have to.

Here’s the question one of them posed last week:  “Why do you believe?” 

There was a qualifier – “I don’t want to hear why I should believe.  I want to know why you believe.”

Before I answer, I have to be honest about something.  What I’m about to say is based largely on deep and real encounters with a God whose track record in my life is one of love and trustworthiness and transformation.  A loving Father.  A rescuer.  An encourager.  The list goes on and on.

If I didn’t have those experiences, would I still believe?  Would the evidence of scripture or history be a compelling case for me?  If instead of temporary “dry spells” I had no sense of His presence any more, if I cried out and begged for His presence and didn’t hear anything back, would I still believe?  If I was hurt far deeper or far more often than I have been in my life, would that make a difference?  If I couldn’t find my way to gratitude (which I do believe is key to allowing God to transform me), would I see no way forward on the faith journey.  I don’t know.  I hope there would be something to see me through to the other side, but it feels arrogant to me to say that I’m sure of that.

So, with that said … Why do I believe?

I believe because over 42 years ago [as I repost this it is now over 52 years ago], when I was a 15 year old shy, timid “good girl” who had been raised in the church, I finally heard the gospel presented in a way that told me about a personal relationship with Jesus.  And when I said “Yes”, I immediately felt that I was no longer sinking but that my feet had hit a firm and solid rock.  Nothing much changed in how my life looked to others (remember – I was a “good girl”, too afraid or shy to rebel).  But internally, everything changed.

I believe because there have been changes and transformations in my life that can’t be explained by “self-improvement” techniques or natural growth.  They are deeply connected to my experience of God.  A painfully shy, extremely timid girl discovers she has a voice and that she actually wants it to be heard.  A lifelong struggle with whether I am lovable yields to a deep sense that I am.  Years of fear-based decision making give way to more risk taking.  These changes are more characteristic of being wooed by a Lover who wants you to be your best, Who delights in you and encourages you, than they are of working hard to improve yourself.

I believe because in the midst of the most painful season of my life, I still saw great gifts in my life.  Some of them were the transformations mentioned above.  Some were the body of Christ holding me in very tangible ways.  Some were images and visions and prophetic words – given in such a way that I now know for sure that Jesus understands a woman’s heart.

I believe because God has been personal toward me.  There have been enough gifts, words, “coincidences” for me to believe He speaks to me in ways that let me know He knows and understands me.  Some are funny.  An image during an inner healing time of a plant placed by Him into my wounded heart that grew and flourished.  I actually laughed because I knew it had to be Him healing my heart because I cannot keep a plant alive.  Some bring healing tears.  An image of sitting on a swing, at the bottom of a hill in the yard I grew up in, watching my parents and my sister at the top of the hill and feeling invisible.  And Jesus approaches, looks me tenderly in the eyes, and hands me a diamond.  A diamond had special significance at that time because my husband, the only man who had given me a diamond, had by that point withdrawn his love.

I believe because when I am suffering, or when I see suffering, I need to run somewhere and because my somewhere is actually Someone.  And I find arms there to embrace me.

I believe because I have experienced gratitude that doesn’t make sense, peace when my world is in turmoil, hope in the midst of despair and joy that goes deep and lasts, regardless of circumstances.

I believe because I think what I observe in life makes the most sense if there is a battle going on that is bigger than this world.  A loving God.  An enemy.  A people being equipped to usher in a new Kingdom.  Opposition to that plan.  Highs.  Lows.  Heroic acts of love and grace and mercy.  Persistent attacks of evil.  I do believe we know the end of the story, but I also believe we’re in the middle of the story.

Scripture continually tells us to “remember” what God has done.  And I suppose that remembering is integrally connected to why I believe.  It’s what gets me through the rough spots, the times when it doesn’t make sense, the times when God seems distant or silent.  I go back to what I knew for sure in the moment when God did show up, when being with Him felt like being in a safe and loving home.  And I find I believe, regardless of the current circumstances.