As most of you know, I walk alongside parents whose sons and daughters are on long term mission trips – generally 9 or 11 months with a few 3 and 4 month trips thrown in. We refer to them as “World Racers”. If parents will embrace it, it can be an amazing journey for them as well as for their World Racer.
For many parents, especially our Gap Year parents, the holidays that occur during the trip are the first ones when their son or daughter has not been home. And it can be hard. Over the Christmas season, this year’s group of parents shared a lot about missing their Racer. But they also embraced, in a way that very few parent groups have, the joy and peace they felt because they knew their Racers were exactly where they were supposed to be.
While none of us will be perfect parents, I’ve always felt that being a parent gives me a glimpse into the heart of God.
(Note: This isn’t a theological treatise and I am aware that the analogies have shortcomings. But there are moments I hang onto that come from this reflection.)
It might be something that lets me know He understands. I believe He understands sending a son to pursue his calling and the way that makes the relationship different in some ways. For us it’s an absence of physical closeness. And while that’s not exactly the same with God and Jesus, I do believe there was a separation they had not experienced before. And I believe that God’s Father heart understands our hearts in those moments.
One of my children, as a toddler, showed me how easily I can wound the heart of a Father who labors in love to bestow good gifts. A lot of work had gone into a week-end project, making and building something special. And at the reveal the toddler’s first words were “it’s too high”. My joy at giving the gift deflated (just momentarily). But immediately I thought of all the ways I respond to God’s good gifts with a complaint that something isn’t just how I wanted it. And the glimpse into how my response affects a heart filled with the joy of giving good gifts changed something in me.
Another child, at a fairly young age (maybe 8 or 10) excitedly ran into the room declaring the desire for a tattoo. The delight in the idea, the exuberance of the request, was fun to see. Once they were young adults I had no problem with my children getting tattoos, it was clear that the answer for a pre-teen was going to be “no”. But even in saying no, my heart treasured the moment of them excitedly coming with their desire. I’ve always struggled with asking God for things just because they would delight me. Especially things I don’t “need”, they won’t change whether or not I love God, that are not lifechanging things. A child running in to share their heart’s desire (even though it had to be a no for the time being) is the goal I still haven’t reached. I aspire to be like that with my heavenly Father – running in to His presence with excitement and desire. But I’m not there yet.
I realized as my children moved into adulthood that there are gifts that only occur through time together. It’s not that I love one more than the other, but I recognize that whichever one I’m spending time with is going to get small treats – maybe dinner out, or I’ll learn about something they want that will make a great birthday gift, and so on. I’ll hear the day to day things that build relationship in a way that is hard to do if there is no time together. Likewise, time with my heavenly Father, where we have the time to walk and talk and be quiet together, builds something I don’t have if I go long spells without spending that time together.
And then, although Jesus never sinned, never made wrong decisions, I do believe God’s father heart breaks when his children do that. As parents, our hearts break at times for our sons and daughters – and if we can love that deeply, and hurt that deeply, I believe He can too. And so we are not alone in our tears. Not only does He understand our emotions related to our own children, but it’s a glimpse into how deeply He cares about me as His child.
I also believe He can help us to see our child’s path with new eyes – perhaps what initially disappoints a parent is recast as God doing something unexpected but wonderful. Or we glimpse God at work in the hard things.
When my children were younger, I used to take one day a month at our church’s retreat house. Praying, journaling, sometimes just resting. But one of the things I would often do is ask God to “tell me about my children”. As best I could I would listen and be open to seeing them through His eyes and not just my own.
And as I embrace my own place as his daughter, I am reminded of several times during a season of significant inner healing in my life. In my mind’s eye I would see myself crawling up into His lap and laying my head against His chest and letting Him hold me. It was my safe place during that time. In a parent’s arms.
As we contemplate – or maybe wrestle with – the decisions we make as parents, the failures we feel as parents, the joys we experience as parents, I believe we have the opportunity to join our heart together with God’s heart. I love what I see in those moments. So in this new year, I’m trying to look for the places where my mother’s heart allows me to connect more deeply with God’s father heart.
Betty's Thoughts 