It’s retirement time (at the end of August). I’m almost 70 (next March). My first-born child turns 40 in less than a week (how can that be!)? I’m a grandmother.
My goal (set longer ago than I want to admit) to re-energize my writing has not been accomplished. But I have 2 pages of ideas – just waiting for time to sit with them. Because I write to process, not just to write on a schedule. And I don’t post anything unless I think I have something worth saying.
There are so many great things in my life – friends, people who come visit, walks on the beach, a church home that nourishes me, a great small town to live and get involved in.
But there is sadness as well. Some is “normal” – friends going through health issues, or difficult situations, or walking through the Alzheimer’s journey with those they love.
And then there’s a deeper level. I grieve over the ways the church has not been the church in so many ways and in so many places to so many people. I grieve that it has not been the life-giving place of freedom for others that it has been for me. And that honest discussions about what the church should look like today face enormous hurdles.
I’m discouraged that community seems so much harder to find in our culture these days. It feels as if we’ve lost our ability to disagree with each other but remain friends. The accusations leveled against each other are strong and hurtful and often vile. The differences between preferences and convictions are ignored. I understand there are make and break issues for people, and there are appropriate places to take strong stands, but the tenor of conversation in general, in our current culture, grieves me. The breaks in relationship feel wrong. And I don’t completely know how to address it.
I’m confused by and concerned about many of the decisions being made at high levels in our country. And I have not yet figured out how to add my voice to those discussions in a meaningful way. But it feels like I need to try.
As all these thoughts swirl around in my mind and my spirit, I’m wanting to speak and act with wisdom and courage and compassion and conviction, where appropriate. I want to be a safe place for those conversations. I want to be able to be curious about how others see things without being cut off before we can have a real exchange.
So in this upcoming season of changes, I want to pause, rest, read, go deep with people and with the Lord, re-engage with Scripture in ways I haven’t done for a while. I believe there is adventure, growth and calling waiting to be stepped into – even in my 70s – and I want to listen well so I can hear the still, small voice directing my steps.
Betty's Thoughts 