Mission – Page 2 – Betty's Thoughts

Why I Love Ministry to Parents

Ten years later I still love ministry to parents! It looks a bit different than the early days but the reasons I love it are the same. (Originally published September 2012)

There’s been a common thread in a lot of what I’ve done over the last 15 years [now 25 years!]. When I led children’s ministries at church, I loved talking to parents about spiritual formation in children – raising their vision for what it can look like when children fall deeply in love with Jesus and open themselves up to the voice of the Holy Spirit. When youth group mission trips were doing their own training, I loved leading a small group for parents who were sending their children to Peru for a week – encouraging them to let God do something in their lives through the trip, and not just something in their child’s life. And when I spent several years doing college placement for high schoolers, I loved helping parents figure out what it looked like to let go in new ways.

In my current job I spend a lot of my time connecting parents of World Racers to each other and to Adventures in Missions. I’m loving it. I get to walk with them as their Racers leave to spend 9-11 months on the mission field, doing ministry in several different countries. At the beginning of the World Racer’s journey, parents are invited to a Parent Launch – not just helping them understand their Racer’s journey but launching them on their own journey.

It’s a privilege to rub shoulders with this group.

Most of the parents are excited for their Racers. Some are a bit envious that the World Race didn’t exist for them 25 years ago. They recognize that they have raised sons and daughters who love the Lord and who have the capacity to change the world and bring the kingdom. But they also know that they won’t get as many details as they might like. And they might go a few weeks without hearing from them if they are in an area without good internet access. They can’t send birthday presents or just pick up the phone for a quick chat. Wifi based calling works some of the time and not others. And it’s hard to hear that their son or daughter is sick – and there’s really nothing you can do because they are on the other side of the world.

Over the years we’ve established Facebook or GroupMe groups for the parents of World Racers based on when their Racers leave for the Race. They post prayer requests for themselves and for their Racers. They encourage one another in a way that only another World Race parent can. They serve one another in practical ways with information on everything from banks that don’t charge international transaction fees to research on malaria med options. The first one to hear news on travel days gets the word out quickly.

And they sometimes share their own journey. They are letting the Lord do new and deep things in their own spiritual lives and I get to hear bits and pieces of that. The theme of journey is an important one for Adventures in Missions and it’s exciting to see that happening in parents’ lives.

Although I am not a parent to World Racers, I do have adult children who are the age of many of the Racers. So I’ve learned some things about parenting adult children, about letting go, about not trying to limit their choices based on my fears. About offering them freely to the Lord – no matter where that takes them. I delight in seeing them explore new things, take on new responsibilities, learn life lessons and move into new stages in their lives.

But their growing into adulthood changes my season of life as well just as Racers leaving for the World Race can change their parents’ lives. And it’s an ideal time to reassess our own journey. With empty nests come new freedoms. I moved from Connecticut to Georgia to work for Adventures in Missions. But I believe that was just the beginning of a new season in my life, that there’s even more ministry ahead, and that at least part of it intersects with ministry to other parents.

Acts 13:36, in commenting on King David, says that he died after serving God’s purpose in his own generation. That idea – of serving God’s purpose in my own generation – fuels my desire to journey well to the end.

So – when I originally wrote this I was headed to Parent Launch, to meet face to face many of the parents who had been blessing me daily with their support of their Racers, with the generosity of spirit already evident in their Facebook group and with their willingness to care more about the kingdom than about having their children close by.

I can’t wait to see what their journeys – and mine – will look like over the next 11 months.

Update: Since then we’ve done 2-4 Parent launches a year for over 10 years (with a brief interruption for Covid). It never gets old! It’s still one of my favorite parts of my job.

India

In August 2012 I took my first trip to India. I’ve been back two other times. It’s still a hard location for me. There is a spiritual heaviness that I feel every time I’m there. But I also leave a bit of my heart there every time I go.

After returning from a short term mission trip to India in August 2012, my mind was full of all kinds of thoughts – about India, about orphans, about lepers. About brothers and sisters in Christ coming together and transforming from individuals into a team. About short term missions in general. About spiritual confusion and spiritual warfare. About humility. Too much for one post …

So here are some highlights, with more thoughts perhaps coming later.

Some of the things I’d heard about India proved to be true. To say there is an abundance of sights, sounds and smells would be an understatement. It’s true that there is an almost constant stench of human and animal waste – but then you’ll catch a whiff of richly spiced food or chai tea and it’s wonderful. It’s true that there is trash everywhere you look, and dust, and dirt – but in the midst of that are exquisitely colored saris and punjabis. Car rides are punctuated by “I love those colors together” or “look at that one”. Horns honk constantly and peacocks squawk. Cows do wander the streets, often deciding to lie down and rest in the middle of the road – and traffic detours around them. Driving is an adventure – and not something I could ever imagine mastering. Lanes are mere suggestions, two lanes are wide enough for three or more cars, the oncoming lane is up for grabs if it’s empty. We referred to it as video game driving or “Tetris” driving. But after the initial shock, you realize there’s a certain efficiency to it.

So India engages the senses.

It’s also a place of spiritual confusion, where inanimate gods are given honor and children are dedicated to them. And although it is not illegal to be a Christian in India, believers are often persecuted. The first few nights seemed to bring an unusual number of fear-based dreams and experiences to the team – reminding us of the fact that the enemy notices when light invades darkness and causing us to step up in the authority we have in Christ to overcome the enemy, to dismantle his ability to invade our space. Team members took steps of courage and faith, they shared vulnerably, they loved well – and heaven invaded earth.

And in this setting, we met amazing people. Victor and Simini, a married couple who run the orphanage and whose generosity of spirit make it a family. There’s Sapna and Lincy, Victor and Simini’s sisters, who are also giving their lives to this call. The 29 children they treat as their own captured our hearts, probably forever. To worship with them on a Sunday morning is to be blessed beyond measure. My children’s ministry heart soared as the children shared testimony and praise and prayer right alongside the adults. And when the children prayed over us on the last day … there are not words to describe what that was like.

Then there are the women at the leper colony, catching us off-guard by how funny they are and how much they laugh. Wonderfully feisty older women who loved having their nails painted, making thread bracelets and playing hand clapping games. Where a lack of common language did not seem to matter.

And the pastor who has spent his life ministering in the slums, enduring the persecution of his family as he leads a small congregation in the midst of Hindu territory. His humility and steadfast obedience to a hard call make me so aware of the places in my life where a sense of entitlement or a desire for personal glory have not been completely rooted out.

One of the concerns about short term missions is that teams come in and then they leave. But on this trip I was invited into existing friendships, especially with the orphanage. The children remembered the team leaders from last year. The adults at the orphanage have been Facebook friends with the team leaders, and now with me. Throughout the week, the team women would sit with Simini and Sapna and realize we were talking about and joking about the things that we talk and joke about with our girl friends back home. The tears shed as we said good-byes were the tears shed as friends say good-bye for a period of time.

What does it mean that my heart is now linked to India? To these children? To these brothers and sisters in Christ? I don’t know yet. But I’ll be asking the Lord to speak into that in the days and weeks and months ahead.

Note: In the years since this trip, I’ve taken groups of World Race parents to India twice. While I have never felt a long term call there, I do feel heart tugs at time and nudges to pray.

What I’ve Learned About Busy Seasons

In the ten+ years since this was written in July 2012, busy seasons have come and gone. But I’m grateful for what I’ve learned about navigating them.

Let me start off by saying this: I don’t hate most busy seasons. I often willingly make choices that create busy seasons. I like the sense of accomplishing something, of being part of something big. When it is wonderful, I’m grateful that I’m busy with fun and meaningful things. But sometimes busy seasons turn into busy “norms” and it creates a pace I can’t sustain forever. So I’ve reflected on busy seasons – and what it means to live out a desire to go full steam for as long as I can.

What have I learned? How do I do this? What do I still have to learn?

Learning to distinguish the truly urgent and the truly important is essential.
I have to manage my energy – not just my time. Just because there are hours left in the day does not mean I should say “yes”. And just because I say “no” it doesn’t mean that I am letting someone down.
I’m an introvert. I have to remember that and realize that introversion requires some schedule adjustments in order to stay healthy in the long run.
I can’t sustain busy seasons for as long as I used to without a break. Instead of months or years, I have to think in terms of weeks or maybe months – and then make sure there’s some down time scheduled. I don’t need a lot of recovery time, but I need a bit more than I used to.
When I am busy and tired, I acutely feel the loneliness of not having a spouse/companion in this. No one at home to help shoulder the load or pick up the slack – from the little things like replacing burned out light bulbs to the big projects.
I have to choose to not get stuck there (in #5) or let the enemy get a foothold in that. It’s a symptom of deep tiredness and the truth is I’ve been called to a rich and full life of following Jesus, whether I have a companion in it or not.
I’ve had to develop a greater willingness to ask for help and to accept offers of help. Trying to be self-sufficient is never a good idea but during busy seasons it will drain me even more.
I need to give myself permission to not do everything – whether it’s posting a weekly blog or entertaining people who are staying at the house or getting the guest room painted.
I have to let go of more non-essentials than I do during non-busy seasons. During busy seasons, the house may be a bit dirtier when guests arrive. We may order pizza for dinner rather than cooking the meal I’d love to cook. Homemade cookies get made less often. I know these things don’t really matter in the big picture – but I do miss being able to do them.
This one is the biggest change from ten years ago. When originally written, I had recently re-entered the full-time work force after 20+ years of being a stay at home mom and church volunteer. This is no longer an issue for me, in large part because my job has evolved in ways that do provide me with a great deal of flexibility. Realizing that there are things I no longer have time to do can make me discontent with the reality of having to work full time. I struggle with that from time to time – and the enemy tries to get a foothold here as well. I miss the flexibility I used to have, and yet I’m grateful that I get to do something I love. And even if I didn’t love it, I can still choose to not let my circumstances define my happiness.
Letting go of things like cooking for guests and having homemade cookies around for them can become a test of where I find my identity.
I lay down my pride and I don’t fret over the fact that I didn’t know the guest bath tub drained slowly. There was a time when I would have beat myself up for missing that detail. Now I’m just grateful that a guest told me – and took care of it for me.
The toll that loss of sleep, stress eating or lack of exercise takes is exaggerated compared to the effect years ago. I have to find ways to maintain healthy routines even in busy seasons.
The One who calls me to this is so much more important than what keeps me busy (even if it is “ministry”). If I’m in this for the long haul, I need to make sure my “to do” list doesn’t take over. I have a tendency to ask more of myself than He asks. So I need to keep looking in His eyes and listening to His voice and taking my cues from Him.

When I wrote this, there was a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment – a few days without full day events needing my attention. I was ready for the break, but I was also already looking forward to the next busy season. There were exciting things ahead that I g0t to be part of.

Saying No … to the right things

[This was originally published on 3/26/12 and still resonates with me. For those of us who are “doers”, who are wired to meet needs, it’s hard to say “no” – even when it is the right thing.]

Is it possible that Kingdom work is as much about what we say “No” to as it is about what we say “Yes” to? This is not headed toward a legalistic, moralistic list of “dos” and “don’ts” related primarily to behavior! It’s also not primarily about saying “no” to harmful, unproductive, or wasteful things.

I believe there are times when we need to say “no” to good things, to unmet needs and to Kingdom work.

There are two stories – almost back to back in the gospel of Luke – that have challenged me for years. In Luke 4:14-30, Jesus has just finished His testing in the wilderness and He returns home to Nazareth. He attends the synagogue, reads the Messianic passage from Isaiah 61*, and announces that “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” There’s an exchange with the crowd about no prophet being recognized in his home town and Jesus is driven, by the crowd, out of town to the edge of a hillside where they intend to throw him off the cliff. “But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way.” (v. 30).

A few verses later (verses 40-44), we find Jesus in Capernaum at the home of Simon. Beginning when the Sabbath ended at sunset, people brought a steady stream of the sick and demon-possessed to Him and He healed them. This continues throughout the night until Jesus retreats to a solitary place at daybreak. The people find Him and try to keep Him from leaving. “But he said, ‘I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent.’” (verse 43).

So where’s the challenge? For me it comes in several forms.

In the midst of people who know me, who may not think I can do something, am I willing to hold fast and trust my sense of call? To not let their perception of me cloud who God says I am?

For me, a deep rejection which is then followed by an adoring crowd, would make the adoring crowd an enticing place to stay. Do I have the courage – and the sense of call – to move on, not knowing what is ahead in terms of acceptance or rejection?

Can I leave things “undone” or “unfinished” when it is not my role to finish them? As I read this passage, my assumption is that there were needs Jesus did not meet in Capernaum. More sick people. More demon possessed people. More suffering. More people to inspire and nurture. And He walks away from that. He says “No” – not always an easy thing for us to say in Christian circles where we are inundated with requests to meet needs. He says “No” to real ministry opportunities in order to be obedient to His greater calling.

In many ways, this last one is the hardest for me. It doesn’t feel right to see what needs to be done and then not do it. How do I keep my eyes on the bigger picture when the little picture is so immediate and so compelling?

I don’t have a definitive answer. I know it involves listening to the Holy Spirit, growing in intimacy with the Lord so that I recognize His voice, and asking others to help me discern. I know that there are small “yeses” that I’m not supposed to stress over.

But even after 20 years [now 30 years] of being challenged by this, I’m not always sure I can say that I know what I am sent to do. So, even at this stage of my life, I long for increasing pieces of that knowledge and the vision of what that looks like – as well as occasional reminders that I am created and sent for a purpose.

*Isaiah 61:1 – The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor.

Living Radically – in your everyday life (Part Two)

As promised, here’s the rest of my list – things that have helped me grow. (For the first six items see Part One)

7. Make no assumptions that your “normal” life will stay normal. Small acts of radical discipleship often lead to bigger leaps of faith.

8. Look for opportunities to be generous in non-financial ways. Be generous with praise, with time, with compassion, with little acts of assistance. Learn people’s “love language” as part of your generosity to them.

9. Experiment with doing things anonymously. Being invisible for a season can be stretching and can drive you closer to the Father when your other sources of affirmation become unavailable.

10. Disrupt your routine from time to time. Continually look for opportunities to get out of your comfort zone. Do little things regularly (e.g., spend time with someone you wouldn’t normally spend time with) but occasionally do big things as well (e.g., a mission trip).

11. Admit that boredom is not an option as a lifestyle. If you are bored, ask Him what Kingdom work you are not seeing right around you.

12. Distinguish between appropriate self-care/relaxation/leisure and self-medication, avoidance or numbing behavior. I believe in “down time” and “just fun”. I spend time on the couch in front of the TV from time to time. Learn your needs (what nourishes you and refills your tank) but also learn what constitutes an unhealthy or unproductive escape. Brother Lawrence, in The Practice of the Presence of God, says something along these lines: “How sad it is to trade fellowship with God for the trivial.” [My paraphrase. After all these years I can’t guarantee it’s an exact quote.]

13. Recognize that your time – as well as your other resources – belongs to the Lord. And that includes your “job” time, not just your “discretionary” time. Do you feel a sense of call – either directly or indirectly – in what you do? Does your job allow you to accomplish or provide for things related to the Kingdom? Or does it interfere with your Kingdom call? Is there a persistent nudge from the Spirit that things are not right? Is there a nagging sense of “something more” that doesn’t go away. Pay attention. Ask the Lord what it means. Is the “location” not right? Is the work/family balance not right? Is timing/season of life an issue?

14. If hard things – job losses, economic shifts – occur, look for God’s hand and consider whether you’re being pushed out of the nest, being forced to do something you wouldn’t do on your own.

15. Hold “things” lightly. This is not an “anti-wealth”, “anti-nice things” statement. It is about availability, about not blindly buying into our culture’s view of consumerism. Be ready and willing to sacrifice “things”- if called to – for the greater joy of serving the Kingdom.

So, what have I missed? Any thoughts that should be added to the list?

Living Radically – in your everyday life (Part One)

[This was originally posted on March 18, 2012. The World Race, referenced here, is a program of Adventures in Missions, the organization I work for. Young adults, from 18-30 years old spend 9 or 11 months traveling around the world with just their hiking backpack, working with ministry partners.]

I thought about titling this “How to be a radical disciple without going on the World Race”. There are circumstances – such as the World Race – that seem inherently “radical”. The steps of faith, the ministry opportunities, the challenges and the Kingdom impact are all clear. The routines are less settled. The stories and pictures “prove” you are living radically.

But what if it is not that clear cut? What if you have to look for opportunities within your “ordinary” life? The desire to be a radical disciple stirs in many of us who live more “normal” lives, constrained by full-time jobs, family commitments, stage of life issues and the like. So how do we live as radical disciples?

I recently found a journal where I had begun to jot down thoughts. This isn’t a full discussion with all the appropriate qualifiers. It’s merely some thoughts from years of wrestling and seeking.

How to live as a radical disciple (the first 6 thoughts – with the rest of the list coming soon):

1. Take listening prayer seriously. Make a commitment ahead of time to believe that God will speak to you. Work toward instantaneous obedience when you know it is His voice. Believe He speaks in the little things (“go talk to that lonely person”) as well as the big things (“move to Africa”).

2. Do not disguise fear as wisdom. Be brutally honest. Resist the temptation to dismiss things by saying “I don’t think it is wise to …” when you really mean “I’m afraid to ….”

3. Don’t live self-protectively. You’ll know what this looks like in your own life. Maybe you begin to make decisions that the world might consider foolish. Or when you feel the Spirit’s nudge, you give away more than you think you can afford. But you make a daily choice to listen to Him first and then to trust Him to provide what you need – physically, emotionally, financially and in every other way. It is no longer primarily your responsibility to create security in your life.

4. Consider whether you want your life to be characterized by supernatural gifting or only by “inherent talent”. Obviously there is a lot of overlap. But I want a ministry in the Kingdom that cannot be explained by my “natural talent”. I want there to be a component that can only be explained by the presence of God. Have the courage to ask for that, knowing that it is like jumping off a cliff.

5. Spend time thinking about the difference between desire and call. I believe there’s a big overlap but I don’t think they are exactly the same. Learn contentment where you are called and ask Him to open your eyes to see why He has you there. Commit to His ministry – even if you would have chosen a different one. Ask Him to align your heart with His in this particular place and this particular season of your life. [Note: Part Two will have the balancing thoughts on being open to changing your circumstances.]

6. Ask the Lord to show you where you still hold on to a sense of entitlement. It can be overt (“I’m entitled to a certain lifestyle”) or it can be subtle (“Because of all I’ve gone through, I’m entitled to have it easier for a while”). A sense of entitlement will rob you of joy.

Part Two coming soon …

Why look back now?

[Note: I originally thought I’d hold off on new content – aside from a bit of context/updating – until I had revisted my journey of the last 11 years. But as I’ve looked back at where I’ve been, I find new thoughts stirring. For instance, it feels right to explain what prompted me to do this at this time. It’s a new part of my story. So I have decided to occasionally interject new content. I will generally identify it as new and it will most likely appear as the featured post, pinned to the top of the blog. This will allow new thoughts to be added, and given attention, while still providing a way to retell the other parts of my journey. Those older journey posts will likely come pretty often. If you’ve already followed that part of my story, feel free to ignore those notifications. If my story is new to you, just know that fairly constant posting will only be for this beginning season.]

One of the things I love about Scripture is it’s ability to impact me differently in different seasons of my life. Not that truth changes. But I see things I hadn’t noticed before. My life experiences give me new filters for looking at it and additional context for processing it. In some cases, with elapsed time I’ve stripped away some inappropriate cultural reading of it. Different things jump out at me depending on my level of woundedness or healing. And so on.

Last fall I was part of a Bible study group that looked at the Old Testament book of Joshua. It’s the story of the Israelites settling in the promised land after 40 years of wandering in the desert. I’m familiar with the events. The book contains the first Biblical character I ever identified with as a quiet teenager just trying to faithfully follow the Lord. There’s a lot of richness in the stories – and plenty of things to wrestle with as well.

I was expecting a good study. I was not expecting a strong challenge.

Over and over in Joshua, we see Joshua encouraging the tribes to “fully inherit” the land. They were occupying it. They were raising families there. They were planting crops and tending livestock and making it home. But the instruction still came to “fully inherit” it.

It was that sense of “there’s more” that struck me, that felt like a new observation. They had stopped short of what God had for them. They were missing out – and I believe they were missing out on both the personal level (God wanted to bless them) and on the role God was calling them to in the world.

In my life, I often feel prompted to “spend time with the Lord”, asking Him a particular question or about a particular subject. I don’t believe there’s one set format for doing that. For me, it might be journaling – writing the question and then writing whatever comes to mind, trusting that any necessary sorting out or discernment will happen as part of the process. It might be taking a walk without listening to anything as I do – just talking to myself in my mind while I try to listen to what the Lord might be saying. Or a similar process while driving. It can be more prayer-like, in the way people tend to think of prayer – but with times of quiet so that I can listen.

And how the Lord speaks to me can vary as well. Impressions, thoughts that feel out of character for me, what comes out during journaling, a sense of peace as I think about certain options, things jumping out at me as I read Scripture or other authors. I’ve learned to be honest with myself and that’s part of discerning what I hear – I tend to know when a challenge is good and right for me, even if I’m tentative or fearful. I also have others that I trust and I can turn to them for their wisdom, discernment and confirmation.

During and after the Joshua study, this was the one of the areas I felt prompted to ask the Lord about: What do You have for me that I have not fully stepped into? Where have I stopped short of something you want me to do (or that you want to bless me with)?

That’s where this blog comes in. For a few months I’ve felt the answer was “writing”. When I first started blogging 11 years ago, I was fairly consistent. It faded over the years – 8 posts in the last 5-1/2 years. I still don’t anticipate blogging on a specific schedule – as I say in “About Me” I only share when I think it’s worth sharing. I don’t have plans to grow this through my own efforts – although I love when friends and readers share it with others. I just believe I’m supposed to start writing again – and since the blogging platform at work has been through some substantial changes which make it more inaccessible, it felt like time to launch on a new platform.

I do know that at times my thoughts, my experiences and my journey resonate with others. It has opened up individual conversations at times in ways that I hope bring encouragement. And it has invited challenges from those whose experiences are different from mine. I love that as well.

So once again I’m stepping out in faith as I relaunch my blog.

The Restlessness is Gone

Update: This was originally published on 3/4/2012. I was less than a year into my new venture – the one I had tentatively stepped into, in large part because I could no longer ignore the restlessness I felt. This describes what I was beginning to feel and I look back with gratitude for the amazing journey it has been.

I realized that the restlessness I referred to in my previous post was gone. The restlessness that nagged at me for years, that ebbed and flowed but never completely went away, and that was a large part of making the decision to move to Georgia – I hadn’t felt it since I arrived. I don’t normally make shifts quickly or easily – so the ease with which I slipped into life in Georgia was an unexpected gift.

The previous year I was still hoping that this move was the “next step” I was supposed to take. How it would work out on a daily basis, or whether it would take care of the restlessness, was still unknown.

I needed moments like this – when I realized I wasn’t in the same place I was before. It’s not about moving toward some unattainable perfection or even just “being better.” It’s a remembering that enriches my relationship with a Father who loves me enough to walk through all of these things with me, who knows who He created me to be and gently moves me more fully into that, a God who says that bringing the Kingdom is an ongoing journey and He needs me fully engaged and prepared and that I don’t have to do that on my own.

And in this particular instance, the end result was this: My heart felt at home.

Even in the day to day shifting of responsibilities that characterized much of what I did in the early years of this new season, I didn’t find myself wondering about whether there was a “next step” I was supposed to take right then. I still expected to be stretched, to have hard times and easier times. I knew there would be ministries and calls that would grow and unfold in unexpected ways and that would require me to step out in faith. But there wasn’t the restlessness I felt before.

Much of what I did in these early years looked “ordinary”. I was not “on the field” or doing “front lines” ministry in the way that most people would define it. I didn’t have an abundance of pictures that captured the work I was doing. I didn’t get to hold orphans in my arms on a daily basis or build relationships with those hurting in far corners of the world. In many ways I could have been working in any office in any organization.

But I wasn’t working for just anyone. I am working with Adventures in Missions. And in the coming years I would build a ministry to the parents of our participants.

More on that, and on my heart feeling at home, coming up …

Fear Not?

Update: This was originally published on 2/23/2012. No longer operating with fear as the largest controlling factor in my life is probably the biggest change of the last 15 years.

I am not, by nature or inclination, a risk taker. Those who knew me years ago would not list that among my traits. Current friends probably wouldn’t either – but there’s a subtle difference and it’s the role that fear plays. For most of my life, fear consistently got in the way. But then an interesting thing began to happen – both before I originally wrote this post and in the years since then.

The grip that fear had on me, the role it played in my decision-making, changed.

As I weathered devastating personal storms, drew closer to Jesus, became more aware of the profound needs and injustices in the world and began in deeper ways to yearn for God’s kingdom to grow on earth, I found myself restless, wanting something “more”. The “more” was not about things, job, security, or leisure time. Instead, I yearned to be fully engaged in the adventure of what God is doing in the world – and in me.

To pursue this meant some big changes. It meant my life could no longer be ruled by fear or by the lies that would derail me. I could no longer be immobilized by a list of “what ifs”.

The outward look of what I do was not what determined this. It was an internal shift that said I would not let fear put constraints on whether I would say ‘yes’ to the Holy Spirit’s nudge, and I would not let complacency set my life’s path.

I originally wrote much of this in early 2011 – as part of my initial fundraising materials. (To be on staff at Adventures in Missions, I must meet a fundraising goal that offsets my salary.) I took significant steps during 2011 and early 2012. The move to Georgia to join the team at Adventures was a huge one. Starting the blog was a smaller step. When this started I not completely overcome fear – and 11 years later I still haven’t – but I’m SO much further along. I still move slowly and cautiously in some things. Part of that slow and cautious approach is okay and it’s part of the value that I can “bring to the table.” But other parts may still need to be broken loose. And as I revisit this journey, I will talk about the process I’ve gone through.

When I started the original blog, there was a lot I didn’t know about what was ahead, but this much I did know – I hoped to spend the rest of my life taking new steps toward fully saying “yes” to Jesus.

Looking Back at the Beginning

In early 2010 I was getting serious about the possibility of a major transition. I had danced around this for years – feeling a restlessness that never completely went away. Do I make a change or not? How do I know if there’s “something else” out there? What’s the wise thing to do? I had lived in Connecticut longer than I had lived anywhere in my whole life. I couldn’t imagine leaving my friends. What if I failed? The list went on and on.

In January of that year, I discovered this prayer and it put into words what I yearned for: Lord, help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give you these stirrings inside me. I give you my discontent. I give you my restlessness. I give you my doubt. I give you my despair. I give you all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door. (Prayer for a Major Life Transition, from Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals by Shane Claiborne)

In the weeks following this prayer’s entrance into my life, I did move forward. The restlessness and the sense of call to move into a new ministry phase could no longer be ignored. It was time to say “yes” without holding back. Even with the scary parts. So by July I had sold my house, packed my stuff into storage pods, loaded my car and I found myself at Adventures in Missions.

It was the beginning of an amazing journey. About a year into it, however, I felt the Holy Spirit’s nudging toward another leap of faith. That is what this blog was for me. I knew it was a smaller leap of faith than leaving friends and moving 1,000 miles, but I tend to over-analyze things – and that can immobilize me. What do I write about? How often? Is it an update, a devotional, a connecting place? I didn’t know. And that was my leap of faith – starting something that I didn’t have figured out. This much I did know – it was time to leap. And for now, that has to be enough.

[This was my first post, in February of 2012. The next few weeks/months on this blog will largely be revisiting the previous posts I’ve written, editing them and moving them to this new platform. New material may occur from time to time but will largely be after I get everything else transferred.]

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