Fear Not?

Update: This was originally published on 2/23/2012. No longer operating with fear as the largest controlling factor in my life is probably the biggest change of the last 15 years.

I am not, by nature or inclination, a risk taker.  Those who knew me years ago would not list that among my traits.  Current friends probably wouldn’t either – but there’s a subtle difference and it’s the role that fear plays. For most of my life, fear consistently got in the way.  But then an interesting thing began to happen – both before I originally wrote this post and in the years since then.

The grip that fear had on me, the role it played in my decision-making, changed.

As I weathered devastating personal storms, drew closer to Jesus, became more aware of the profound needs and injustices in the world and began in deeper ways to yearn for God’s kingdom to grow on earth, I found myself restless, wanting something “more”.  The “more” was not about things, job, security, or leisure time.  Instead, I yearned to be fully engaged in the adventure of what God is doing in the world – and in me.

To pursue this meant some big changes.  It meant my life could no longer be ruled by fear or by the lies that would derail me.   I could no longer be immobilized by a list of “what ifs”.

The outward look of what I do was not what determined this.  It was an internal shift that said I would not let fear put constraints on whether I would say ‘yes’ to the Holy Spirit’s nudge, and I would not let complacency set my life’s path.

I originally wrote much of this in early 2011 – as part of my initial fundraising materials.  (To be on staff at Adventures in Missions, I must meet a fundraising goal that offsets my salary.) I took significant steps during 2011 and early 2012. The move to Georgia to join the team at Adventures was a huge one.  Starting the blog was a smaller step.  When this started I not completely overcome fear – and 11 years later I still haven’t – but I’m SO much further along.  I still move slowly and cautiously in some things.  Part of that slow and cautious approach is okay and it’s part of the value that  I can “bring to the table.”  But other parts may still need to be broken loose. And as I revisit this journey, I will talk about the process I’ve gone through.

When I started the original blog, there was a lot I didn’t know about what was ahead, but this much I did know – I hoped to spend the rest of my life taking new steps toward fully saying “yes” to Jesus.