The Restlessness is Gone

Update: This was originally published on 3/4/2012. I was less than a year into my new venture – the one I had tentatively stepped into, in large part because I could no longer ignore the restlessness I felt. This describes what I was beginning to feel and I look back with gratitude for the amazing journey it has been.

I realized that the restlessness I referred to in my previous post was gone.  The restlessness that nagged at me for years, that ebbed and flowed but never completely went away, and that was a large part of making the decision to move to Georgia – I hadn’t felt it since I arrived.  I don’t normally make shifts quickly or easily – so the ease with which I slipped into life in Georgia was an unexpected gift.

The previous year I was still hoping that this move was the “next step” I was supposed to take.  How it would work out on a daily basis, or whether it would take care of the restlessness, was still unknown. 

I needed moments like this – when I realized I wasn’t in the same place I was before.  It’s not about moving toward some unattainable perfection or even just “being better.”  It’s a remembering that enriches my relationship with a Father who loves me enough to walk through all of these things with me, who knows who He created me to be and gently moves me more fully into that, a God who says that bringing the Kingdom is an ongoing journey and He needs me fully engaged and prepared and that I don’t have to do that on my own. 

And in this particular instance, the end result was this:  My heart felt at home.

Even in the day to day shifting of responsibilities that characterized much of what I did in the early years of this new season, I didn’t find myself wondering about whether there was a “next step” I was supposed to take right then.  I still expected to be stretched, to have hard times and easier times.  I knew there would be ministries and calls that would grow and unfold in unexpected ways and that would require me to step out in faith.  But there wasn’t the restlessness I felt before.

Much of what I did in these early years looked “ordinary”.  I was not “on the field” or doing “front lines” ministry in the way that most people would define it.  I didn’t have an abundance of pictures that captured the work I was doing.  I didn’t get to hold orphans in my arms on a daily basis or build relationships with those hurting in far corners of the world.  In many ways I could have been working in any office in any organization.  

But I wasn’t working for just anyone.  I am working with Adventures in Missions.  And in the coming years I would build a ministry to the parents of our participants.

More on that, and on my heart feeling at home, coming up …